I Still Believe

I used to believe that writing even one sentence at the end of the day was worth it, just to remember the joy I felt or something fun I did or an impression I’d had that gave me hope to keep going.

Then I had some hard days. Oh, SOOO many hard days. Did I say days? I meant months. And years. And some excruciating moments I didn’t want to remember.

So I stopped writing on those days. And soon I stopped writing on other days too. Part of me felt it was a lie to just write about the good times, even though noticing them had helped me stay positive in the past. But now, with how heavy things had been, since it didn’t seem to help or change anything or anyone, I stopped writing almost every day.

But today I write again because even though the weight of the day almost broke me, inside something remembered what I used to believe.

One sentence is worth it.

It is because my life and the journey I’m on IS worth it.

A day full of ups and downs is worth remembering, just as much as the day that’s all ups – maybe even more so because you endured every wave of that roller coaster ride. And the day that feels like it’s all downs, I will write on those days to show that I got through it. I survived. I climbed the mountain. I carried my load. With the help of earthly and heavenly angels, I knelt before my maker and accepted that bitter cup. I endured.

And I know if I write on those taxing days that I’ll realize there are more smooth days than stressful ones, more happy moments than hard ones, and more blessings than burdens. That’s because that’s just how God stacks the deck if we’re willing to look at life the way He does. He designs beauty through the good times and the bad times that’s worth remembering.

I still believe life is hard and there are moments we wish we could forget…but we aren’t meant to. Not yet. Maybe that’s just because we’re human. Or maybe it’s really because those painful moments are what show us how beautiful, courageous and strong our humanity is. I don’t believe I’m a hero, but I am in my own life every time I stick with it a little longer, love deeper, and lift myself back up again by keeping my eyes on Christ.

So no matter how discouraged or defeated I feel, I will keep writing. I’ll keep remembering the good and growing from the pain. I’ll keep being me.

And please keep being you. Let’s keep hoping. Keep trying. Let’s keep showing up for all of it, the happy and the heartbreaking. And above all, let’s keep believing it will be worth it, because it will be. So along the way, I’ll keep believing that writing about it is worth it too.