Kylo Ren Masks and Other Signs of Life

I had some things happen today that were triggers.  They reminded me of some of the biggest burdens of my past.  They’re wounds that I had felt heal.  I thought I had taken care of them.  But they were hurting again, because anything that’s been healed can be re-injured if we let it.

So I had to choose not to let it.

It was a deliberate decision.

It was choosing to see that my cup is 9/10’s full of blessings and that is just fine.  That’s wonderful.  Yes, there’s a good tenth of my cup that is really hard stuff that I could call empty.  Sometimes it even feels like more.

I could complain about those challenges, and sometimes I do.  Sometimes I need to cry it out.  So I pull over on the side of the road and let it all out.  I take a break.  I pray.  I watch a sunset and accept the loss in my life.

But the clock keeps ticking, and it’s up to me if I’m going to join in and keep up.  That participation, those signs of life, remind me of how hard I am trying, and that I’m doing it!  I’m making progress!

Some days it’s making dinner.  Or picking up dinner.

Some days it’s getting the kids everywhere they need to be even if my mind is somewhere else entirely.

Some days it’s wearing a Kylo Ren mask and having a Nerf gun battle with my sons.

Some days it’s writing a blog post just so I can remind myself that I WILL go on.  I will go forward, regardless of the past, into a brighter future.  

I don’t have to be a victim.  I can choose light over dark, or the “dark side.”  I can accept what I can’t change, but also let go of it.  Baggage is only baggage of you carry it with you.  I can leave it behind.  And I choose to, every day, one day at a time.  You can too.

Love, Eva