A Perfect-Enough Fit

I went to the temple recently and had a minor clothing fiasco.  In case you don’t know, temples are places of worship for Latter-Day Saints.  We enter in Sunday dress, but change into white clothing inside for the actual meeting.  (The white clothing represents purity and reminds us of Jesus Christ’s atonement, that allows us all to be clean from sin.)  While in the women’s locker room ready to change I realized I had forgotten to check what clothes I had in my bag.  I did have white clothes, but not my more comfortable outfit.  The only ones in my bag were the ones I purchased when I first got married, about 20 lbs ago.  
I knew my husband was getting changed in the men’s locker room and would be waiting for me in the chapel.  I also knew that unless I fit into the clothes I wouldn’t get to attend the meeting with him.  It had been months since we had had an opportunity to attend a meeting like this together so I decided to go for it and do my best to make the fitted blouse and skirt wearable.  I won’t go into all the  details, but suffice it to say I got it on.  The skirt was fine, although definitely up around the highest, smallest part of my waist (think Urkel.)  The shirt’s zipper was an about an inch and a half from completely closing…I did my best to keep my back to the wall. LOL  
I didn’t let that stop me though.  I wanted to be there in that meeting to learn and be uplifted and I wanted to be there for my husband.  Was my outfit tight and super unflattering?  Yes.  But that’s OK.  It was a perfect-enough fit.  I had modest white on, and that was the only real requirement.  And I was grateful I had that clothes!  I didn’t have to look like a cover model.  I was able to attend the service and be there with my husband.  The fit got the job done and as a result I got my job done of getting to be in the temple, with my husband and serve.
My hubby and I recently celebrated our 9 year wedding anniversary, which is why going to the temple was so important to us.  We were married in a temple.  But we are kind of an odd couple, because we are very different.  In fact, when we announced our engagement some people were surprised.  We didn’t exactly hang out with the same crowd.  We didn’t have the same hobbies.  One of our first fights was about how he could clean better than I could (Yes, newly-engaged Eva actually complained about that…)    

 I was raised in a loud, crazy, affectionate Hispanic home.  He had a more reserved, mid-west upbringing.  I grew up hearing my parents blast Queen, ABBA, Kansas and Elton John.  He grew up listening to records of classical music played by world renown musicians…none of which I can name, though I do recognize their pictures from their cameo appearances on Sesame Street.

  I would choose a witty comedy over an action-flick any night, but thankfully I did learn how to appreciate explosions and gunfire so we can enjoy movies together.  I love books but usually get distracted when I try to read.  Luckily Chad is great at reading aloud and read ALL the Harry Potter books aloud to me, even with ALL my questions, since I can’t remember what happened a page ago and he can remember what happened 3 books ago.

  

But we disagree on important stuff too.  There are times after a long day at work he wants to have a calm night, home as a family.  I whine and then tend to want to order pizza and turn even an evening home into a party.  There are times I think he’s too strict.  There are times he thinks I’m too lenient.  He doesn’t want the kids to get hurt but I want to let them climb the trees and act like the monkeys they are…but then I forget to watch them.  I want to let the kids play and get messy.  He’s sometimes more worried about the mess, probably because he knows he will be cleaning up more of it than I will because I will have become distracted by the next fun thing I’d rather be doing.

But we’ve found ways to make it work.  He’s incredibly good at saying he’s sorry.  Seriously.  He could give a seminar on it.  I need to work on that more.  If he ever does a seminar on apologizing I will definitely attend.  I am very good at forgiving though.  And at wanting to try again.  And at giving amazing back rubs, so we work things out.  Our love for each other outweighs everything else.

Are we a perfect fit though?
Maybe it sounds terrible to say no.  But I would be lying if I said yes, just like anyone else who believes they are “perfect” for someone else.  No matter what, people are different and will disagree about something.  If you think “perfect” is never fighting, good luck!  What matters is how you disagree.  I love seeing older couples differ in opinion but just smile and go on anyway.  It only gets them so ruffled and then it’s over.  They don’t let it interfere with their job of being married, of being together.  They are together regardless of how they fit because they love each other.

 We are what I call a Perfect-Enough Fit.  We’ve learned how to tolerate most of what annoys us about the other, and just let it go.  I can get over the fact that he leaves the fingernail clippers out on the bathroom sink instead of putting them back in the cupboard.  Definitely.  Especially when he overlooks the laundry I get behind on, even when the mound of clothes I’ve “forgotten” is visibly taking over our bedroom.

 Even the bigger challenges we’ve faced (some of which I haven’t even written about because they are too personal) are mountains we are moving shovel by shovel, day by day, as we work on growing closer to each other.  To be completely honest, even though we just had a disagreement last night, I think we are finally hitting our Honeymoon Phase!    I never felt like we had that happy part early on in our marriage because I was such a crazy woman from the beginning.  The birth-control I took early on threw my moods all over the place and then a year later babies started coming and again my hormones were all out of whack.  But now, 2 years after the last one, I’m starting to feel like myself again and act like the Eva he dated, albeit smarter and more mature (hahaha!)

I guess what I’m trying to say (or write) is that sometimes “perfect” is just showing up.  It’s getting the job done.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  That’s great.  It’s not about never having different opinions.  I’m happier that we can disagree and get past it than I would be if we just never disagreed at all.  I’m glad I have a husband that has an opinion and will let me speak mine.  I’m glad we’ve found our own ways to compliment each other’s personalities.

  And like that white shirt and skirt that still allowed me to attend the temple, even though it didn’t fit absolutely perfectly, I am so grateful I have my marriage.  It’s not always flattering to see myself as a wife or mother, it doesn’t always bring out my best side.  But with the Savior’s help I can keep working on myself and my relationships.  Chad and I are a Perfect-Enough Fit and there is still room to grow.  And I hope I get to do that for many more years to come.

‘Till Tomorrow!  Luv, Eva